The Story Behind My Love for ‘This Christmas Night’ by TSO

Posted by Mark on December 25, 2011 in Drafts, Music, Stuff | Short Link

Music has long been a part of my life. I have vivid memories of songs from the years of my life. Moments that are captured in technicolor snapshots in my mind. Some songs give me the feeling of security you have as a small child, never to really know again due to the whip and saw of daily life.

Music resonates with me, rattles to very bones of my soul. I steep in music, marinate in it. It’s been a savior, friend, drinking buddy and consolation when life hits the skids. Music has brought me to tears, made me laugh and sing at the top of my lungs driving down the highway. Music, the love of music, is an essential part of who I am.

For the past 15 years, one of my favorite Christmas albums has been ‘Christmas Eve and Other Stories’ by Trans Siberian Orchestra. I love loud music, guitars, booming drums, a chorus of voices, sweeping drama painted in song. This album has it all.

Now, I am going to share something with you I’ve never shared with anyone before this year. Every time I’d listen to Track 14, I’d fight back tears. It has had a deeply personal meaning to me for these past 15 years. But this year…this year, the meaning has changed.

 

Play This Christmas Day - Trans-Siberian Orchestra

 

Go ahead, push ‘Play’ and listen while reading the rest of this…I don’t mind.

For 14 years, I would listen to this song in the car as loud as I could. Often times over and over. It was a prayer of sorts. A fervent desire. I wanted my daughter to be with us for Christmas. To be a part of our family, to be whole. And, I wanted her to be with me because I missed her so much. There was always more than a dab of melancholy for me on Christmas because I missed my daughter.

This year the song still makes me fight back tears. But, she’s coming home to us today for Christmas. She’s coming home…she’s coming home this Christmas Day….my prayers have been answered…she’s coming home to us this Christmas day….

God Bless you. For reading, for praying, for listening. Enjoy your family. And don’t get hung up on definitions of what Family is. Family is what you make it. And who. Enjoy your family, each moment. It’s precious.

Merry Christmas. And God Bless Us. Every One.

  • http://brandeewine.com Brandee

    Sincerely, from the very bottom of my heart, the very best wishes to you and your daughter. As you know, I’m on the other side of the equation, with a father that has little or no interest in me.

    You are right…celebrate family in whichever form it takes. Love pays forward!

    • http://radio-nowhere.org/nb/ RadioNowhere

      Brandee, He is the one missing out. You are a terrific person. That he is this way grieves me…and I do not understand it…

      Thank you…

  • http://jasonsbrain.net/ jason

    Family is indeed what you make it. I know that all too well. I am glad you get to spend the holiday with your daughter. I know that is something you’ve been praying for for a long time, and not just from reading it here. I hope it exceeds your every dream that you dared have of this happening. Merry Christmas to all of you there today.

    • http://radio-nowhere.org/nb/ RadioNowhere

      Thanks, Jason.  I consider you part of the family.  I consider all of you part of the family…

  • http://twitter.com/Chatterbox_Sara @Chatterbox_Sara

    Oh Gawd. Merry Christmas, Mark. Tears of joy for you.

  • http://africantomboy.com Beth

    Amen, Mark. Amen. This year has been so amazing for you two. Simply luminescent. I can’t help but wonder if my birth mother shares your wish. I have yet to approach her about meeting face-to-face. Perhaps in 2012.

  • connie

    Now I'm in tears!!!!! Have a wonderful reunion- I'm sooo happy for you.
    My recent post Before it is too late….

  • lalaland1946

    Love Siberian Orchestra too ! And your advice and wishes are so beautiful. God bless you and yours.

  • http://gabrielgadfly.com Gabriel Gadfly

    I've loved Transiberian Orchestra for years. I listen to them every year at Christmas. I'm so glad you were able to spend Christmas with your daughter this year.

  • http://www.storiesofconflictandlove.com Roxanne

    Mark, I first read this post while in transit through an empty airport on Christmas Day and it made me tear up (as your posts often do). It seems that passports and visas and vaccines are holding me back from the next place I have to be for just a little while longer, so I now find myself in my childhood home, waiting alone. I was agitated when I read the post and I made a mental note to return and listen to the song you linked to. If to you it signifies reunions and wish fulfillment, to me it is associated with solitude and (im)patient waiting. Thank you for making the process just a little more magical.
    My recent post Celebrating light

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