3WW CL
Suit
The suit hit her like a fish slap
She couldn’t say she was surprised
Disgusted. Fucking idiot
Ran through her head round round round
The suit made him tense up
He hated doing it kind of maybe
Disgusted. Stupid bitch
Mantra that brought no peace.
The object of the suit was peeved
Adults in Romper Room their fighting
Saying it was something she’d understand
Later she didn’t care too. Much.
Rationale retreating into elevated
Voices capture the intensity of passions
Curdled jinxed by circumstance that
Barely qualify as earth shattering.
Except they do rumble ravage vandal
savage into cabbage no dressing all
For the suit Aftermath
Lingers lingers lingers
29 Comments
-
Last.fm Recently Placed
A hodgepodge of happenings for sure. I think I’ll never wear a suit
Yes, well…it’s not that sort of suit.
You feel the rage, but feel the heartbreak in this as well. I like it very much.
There was anger, rage and heartbreak. Still is about some of the aftermath.
The sadness, the anger both are so potent here.
fired blue vase
Yup. Breaking up is hard to do…
now why did i feel a crack… is it this poem or me … hmmmm
do visit my 3WW
I’m not sure I understand what you mean by feeling a crack.
And I just did!
You have an incredible way of expressing emotion — rage, anger, embarrassment, sadness– in an honest, genuine, and approachable manner. I like how the poem starts out more literal and transforms into a figurative, somewhat disjointed scene (in a good way) by the ending.
By the way, your site lay out looks really good.
Thanks, Jade. Writing what you know helps…
Glad you like the new lay out!
This is deep and emotional. Nicely done.
Thanks, Anthony.
There’s a palpable intensity and rawness inside these words, and it drew me in. Very intriguing!
Thank you. Glad you got drawn in. That’s quite a compliment.
fish slap — strongly visual
lots of fine lines, this piece is energetic and powerful — surely exposes the idiocy of the legal system…
Thanks. Battles over children can get ugly…
Mark, this is great! I love the pauses…perfect word play!
Thanks, Bobbie. Glad you liked it.
It was longer when I started. I am getting wicked with my editing.
Very creative use of words and spacing. I had to read it a second time because I started out thinking the other kind of suit too
LOL. But I got it the second time, and it makes much more sense now. Full of those conflicting ambiguous emotions.
Thanks, April. Do you think it was too oblique a reference? How could I make it clearer?
Actually, after a cup of coffee…it made much more sense. It was probably just my foggy brain getting in the way. I can only imagine how awful it is to battle over your own children, it must be awful.
It is. Especially when they are the pawns in a b.s. game of “gotcha” Having been on both sides of the equation (as child and as parent) I can tell you it wasn’t much fun.
Your halting words really capture this horrible situation. Great craftsmanship!
Thank you, Linda. Appreciate the kind words.
yes.
i love
this.
Thank you, Quin.
very differnt… jinxed suit?!
like it!
Thank you, Leo. I appreciate it.
the words and the spacing move the emotions like a ping pong match.
thanks for stopping by my blog.
Happy 3WW!